Adulting for the Anxious Woman
Being in the real world is hard enough with bills, work, social obligations, family, you name it. But having anxiety on top of it all can make you feel alone, uncertain, and helpless.
The good news is, with adulting comes the ability to make your own decisions about how you live your life. You can eat birthday cake for dinner when it's not even your birthday, and you can overcome your anxiety, too. No one rules your life but you.
Hiding in Plain Sight
While anxiety looks different in everyone, there are some common traits. Some describe it simply as being "stressed" or “stuck”. Another term that's become popular is "burnout".
Whatever you call it, there's a bone-deep sense of exhaustion and feeling a growing lack of control. Despite the exhaustion, feeling you have no agency in your life only fuels obsessive thinking. It's like having someone blast an air horn every time you're about to fall asleep.
Other aspects of anxiety include:
Overthinking: You analyze entire conversations and think about what you could have said differently, or perhaps you're convinced someone hates you because they haven't texted back.
Uncertainty: You constantly doubt your decisions and feel you're navigating in the dark.
Feeling unsettled: You feel like something is always about to come crashing down.
Fearfulness: Because you feel uncertain and unsettled, you're afraid disaster is around every corner and it's only a matter of time.
Isolation: Whether you feel like a drag on other people or being social is too tiring, you begin to isolate yourself from loved ones physically, emotionally, or both.
Helplessness: As all the elements of anxiety come together in one hellish soup, you ultimately end up feeling like a helpless child.
"Why am I like this?"
In the middle of all this chaos, you might ask yourself this question.
Why can’t I just do things like a normal person? Why do I do things that keep myself in this constant state of stress? Why did I say that to my coworker? Why am I eating mac and cheese from a box instead of cooking a gourmet meal just because I was tired? Why am I like this?
However, if you reframe the question and change the tone, it's less rhetorical and more of an actual question.
Your work hours are long, you are expected to clean your home, exercise to maintain your health and/or a “society-approved” physical image, cook dinner every night and do the dishes, etc. You might actually enjoy some or all of these when given the time to do them on your own terms. But it’s not that simple when they’re piled on. It all adds up.
Add on an unprecedented global pandemic, and you have an extra potent anxiety cocktail. Not only is there fear of the unknown, but new procedures to adapt to, new stress around escaping a boogeyman you can't even see. You’re understandably exhausted.
Taking Back Control
Decided you've had enough of anxiety's antics in your life? Here's how you can start adulting your way and not anxiety's way.
Know Thyself
Pay attention to when your anxiety flares up and how you experience it. Are there certain situations, locations, or people that trigger it? What do you feel? Muscle tension, a headache, sweaty hands, sick to your stomach, racing thoughts?
Knowing these triggers and symptoms can help you better understand your anxiety and rewrite the narrative.
Get Grounded
Check in with yourself regularly. If your anxiety pops in to say "I’m baaaack!" try some different grounding techniques like:
Naming a bunch of things in a specific category (e.g. ice cream flavors, The Bachelor contestants, etc.)
Listening to music
Engage your senses
Watching a funny YouTube video
Making a comforting, hot drink
Making a list of your favorite things
Practice Self-care
Another buzz word in recent years, self care has become a hot topic for good reason. It's important to find time to do things you enjoy and be gentle with yourself, especially with how hard the past couple of years have been. Take a walk for some fresh air, reconnect with favorite hobbies, take screen-time breaks, satisfy your inner child. Most of all, notice the compassion you offer to others and turn it inward.
Whatever it may be, taking the time to do something just for you is important.
Talk to a Therapist
It can be daunting to go through this on your own. Talking to a therapist can help you express difficult emotions, understand your stressors, and find new ways to respond to them. A therapist can also help you identify which grounding techniques and coping mechanisms are most effective for you.
For support on your journey to adulting with less anxiety, reach out today to set up an appointment for anxiety treatment.