Trauma Therapy

Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Just Not Good Enough?

Are you struggling with a lack of confidence and low self-esteem?

Does it seem like you always have to prove yourself, as if you’re never good enough?

Do you suspect that your challenges may be the result of trauma, but you’re hesitant to seek treatment?

Deep down, maybe you feel like you just don’t have a strong sense of self. Perhaps your whole identity feels tied to your career success, social status, or romantic relationships. While this causes you to strive for perfection, the downside is that nothing you do is ever good enough for your standards. Your lack of self-worth may cause you to invest all your energy in other people and other things, leaving no space for self-care. In the end, you may feel burnt out, exhausted, and deeply depressed.

Trauma Can Make You Push Your Feelings Down And Put All Your Self-Worth In Other People

One of the hallmarks of trauma is a tendency to disregard yourself and your needs. Sometimes this means consuming yourself with school or work to avoid dealing with your emotions. Other times, it can show up in relationships with unhealthy boundaries.

You may feel guilted into situations that cause you to sacrifice your own mental health. Perhaps you internalize the needs and feelings of others and go to great lengths to make sure they are met. As a result, your relationships are full of giving and no receiving—you do so much for other people, yet you still don’t feel valued in return. In some cases, this can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility between you and your loved ones. 

Maybe you’re tired of putting all your energy into seeking the approval of others and you want to accept yourself for who you are. If this is the case, I encourage you to connect with me. Trauma therapy is a chance to get to the root of your struggles and find a more compassionate way to dialogue with yourself.

Most Forms Of Trauma Go Unrecognized In Our Society 

Many people experience trauma at a young age and don’t even realize it until adulthood. Oftentimes, the connection between the past and the present just isn’t apparent—their problems don’t seem to have anything to do with their childhood. In this way, trauma often works under the surface of conscious awareness. It can lead to relationship troubles, low self-esteem, panic attacks and mood swings—all without any apparent cause.

Part of the problem is that our society doesn’t educate people on how far-reaching trauma is. There are two main types of trauma: “Big T” trauma and “little t” trauma. Most people are quick to recognize examples of Big T trauma, such as sexual assault, military combat, and child abuse and neglect. They are less likely to recognize “small t” instances of trauma, which can include a toxic household environment, high conflict family dynamics, and pressure to meet unreasonable academic, social, and societal standards. 

Small t trauma is often just as severe as Big T trauma, but it is usually more psychological in nature and happens with repeated exposure to stressors over long periods of time. As a result, few people acknowledge such experiences as traumatic. Nonetheless, all of them can lead you to internalize negative beliefs like: Nobody cares. Nobody hears me. I’m a bad person. I have to make others happy in order to deserve love. Anything less than perfection is failure.

Trauma Survivors Are Often Told To Grow Up And Get Over It

Unfortunately, many people do not take the stories of trauma survivors seriously. In cases of abuse, trauma survivors are often told that they’re lying or being dramatic. Our culture tends to reinforce the view that people need to “grow up” and “get over it” instead of acknowledging their humanity and encouraging them to seek an outlet for processing their feelings. Over time, this can cause you to experience shame and internalize the belief that your feelings aren’t valid. 

What’s more, since trauma distorts your perspective, even you might not take your pain seriously. You might believe that your feelings are not accurate and that your struggles are not that bad. 

As a trauma therapist, I want to help you repair this narrative. I want you to recognize that you matter, your needs deserve to be met, and your trauma does not define you. With my help, I believe you can renew your sense of security and resolve the pain of the past.

Trauma Therapy Can Help You Create A Stronger Sense Of Self 

It’s hard to see problems in a different context when they primarily exist in your thoughts. No matter how intelligent or self-aware you are, you can’t see outside your own perspective or process your feelings externally by yourself. This is why it’s so easy to accept negative beliefs like “I’m a bad person” or “I’m unworthy of love” as reality.

In therapy, you have a chance to externalize and objectify your thoughts and recognize that they are the result of trauma, not a reflection of reality. Together, we will work on creating a narrative that aligns with the person you want to be. This is a time to experiment. What if the messages you’ve been telling yourself are wrong? What if another way of life is possible? These are questions that will guide our work together.

What To Expect In Sessions

When you’re dealing with trauma, it’s hard to separate yourself from your struggles. This is why it’s so easy to attach your identity to your relationships, your career, and other external measures of “success.” Internally, you identify with the external problem or stressors, which makes you seek the approval of others to convince yourself that you’re worthy. Therapy can help you detach from your stressors and look at them more objectively. 

To help you do so, I often draw from an approach called narrative therapy. At its core, narrative therapy seeks to help you separate your identity from your problems. Instead of telling yourself, “I’m an unlovable person and so-and-so probably doesn’t like me,” this approach can teach you that one event, thought, or belief does not define who you are. Low self-worth causes you to identify with your circumstances; narrative therapy lets you create a sense of self-worth separate from them. This, in turn, can help you increase your self-compassion and show yourself more kindness.  

The other main approach I use is called psychodynamic therapy. This approach is all about uncovering different parts of your subconscious and examining the inner conflicts that contribute to your stressors. The goal is to help you gain a deeper understanding of your mental processes and give you better insight into how you think, feel, and interact with the world.

Sometimes we all need a little support in figuring out who we are and what we want to do differently. Therapy is a chance to do that. With my supportive, compassionate approach to the healing process, I am confident that you can create a stronger sense of self and find validation and acceptance from within.

You May Have Some Questions About Trauma Therapy…